Father's Day, June 15, is just around the corner. It's a special time when millions of dads are treated like kings and honored by their kids with gifts of love, respect and admiration.
There's no denying the need of a father in a kid's life, and today there are lots of different labels for dads; step dad, divorced dad, single dad, Mr Mom dad, gay dad. What they have in common is an indelible impression on their kids' lives in terms of increased self-confidence, a strong sense of well-being, self-control, and success in school.
While a small percentage of deadbeat dads taint the reputation of many, we only wish these missing-in-action dads could be around for their kids. But it's also true that over 90% of dads believe that being a dad is one of the most important jobs a man can have. While celebrating Father's Day, we offer some insight into two of the most common blended family dads: the step dad and the divorced dad.
Step Dads
There can be some confusion about the role of step dad since, as male head of the household, he has important financial and physical responsibilities, he mustn't assume that he has those same rights and responsibilities with his step kids. He's not the biological dad and that distinction often causes conflict and resentment, especially when he cares about being a supportive husband and provider.
Conflict may arise in any number of ways: 1) the kids may resist his influence because they feel so close to their biological dad; 2) Mom may decide he's too hard on her kids, picking on her parenting skills, or unbalanced in his treatment of her kids and his own; or 3) he may feel anger and irritation about his wife being treated rudely by her kids or by being ignored or discounted himself.
Any way you slice it, these situations result in tension in the family and altercations between the couple. Issues like these are the major reasons for second marriages falling apart at a higher rate than first marriages.
Following are some basic principles for step dads who may be working hard to establish their role with their step kids:
1. Keep in mind that your job is to support your wife in parenting as a mentor, coach, or friendly uncle. Take it easy, and eventually, when mutual trust and respect has grown, you may develop a stronger, more active role with everyone's support.
2. Focus on being on the same page as a couple, which means not only loving and honoring each other, but communicating clearly about household responsibilities, family budget, rules of behavior, methods of discipline, and the role you play in defending her decisions. Her assignment is to define boundaries for behavior and follow through on consequences, and your job is to support her and remind the kids what their mom wants. A weekly Family Meeting is an effective way of establishing rules and getting recurring issues on the table for discussion and resolution.
3. Be aware of unrealistic expectations by reading and learning about what it means to be an effective step dad. Acknowledge and respect the unique history that each person brings to a second marriage; much of it, especially for kids, comes with a sense of loss.
4. Consider an enlightening coaching session with a professional blended-family coach to help the step dad in your family sort out some of the issues and challenges he may be dealing with.
Divorced Dads
Father's Day for many divorced dads is not a very happy day, especially if they are removed from their kids physically or emotionally.
There are many reasons why divorced dads feel marginalized and are seemingly unappreciated in their child's lives: geographical distance because of work, remarriage, or divorce poison where the children's mother has systematically alienated the kids from their father with the intention of eliminating him from their lives.
Dads may be discouraged but they should always remember just how important they are as they guide, teach, and show love and support to their kids, even if it is long distance.
Following are some basic guidelines for Divorced Dads:
1.Try to act like grown ups with your child's mother for the sake of the children. Come to terms on a visitation plan and a co-parenting plan. Kids are more interested in you getting along so they can enjoy both their parents, rather than worrying about your specific issues with each other.
2.Kids need structure. Stick to planned phone calls, pick up and drop off schedules and behavioral expectations while at your home.
3. Resist being Uncle Dad or Disney Dad with lack of limits, and inconsistent discipline; this teaches the kids to believe you are a peer and best friend and not a responsible parent guiding a child. Uncle Dad parenting results in disrespect, emotional blackmail, and eventually, kids who develop behavioral problems, since they have no respect for authority.
4. Consider an enlightening professional coaching session with a blended-family counselor who may help you gain new insight on the issues and challenges that you face.
For dads dealing with the agony of parental alienation or Divorce Poison, you may want to listen to best selling author and parental alienation authority, Dr Richard Warshak, at http://www.Blended-Families.com/richard-warshak.
There's no denying the need of a father in a kid's life, and today there are lots of different labels for dads; step dad, divorced dad, single dad, Mr Mom dad, gay dad. What they have in common is an indelible impression on their kids' lives in terms of increased self-confidence, a strong sense of well-being, self-control, and success in school.
While a small percentage of deadbeat dads taint the reputation of many, we only wish these missing-in-action dads could be around for their kids. But it's also true that over 90% of dads believe that being a dad is one of the most important jobs a man can have. While celebrating Father's Day, we offer some insight into two of the most common blended family dads: the step dad and the divorced dad.
Step Dads
There can be some confusion about the role of step dad since, as male head of the household, he has important financial and physical responsibilities, he mustn't assume that he has those same rights and responsibilities with his step kids. He's not the biological dad and that distinction often causes conflict and resentment, especially when he cares about being a supportive husband and provider.
Conflict may arise in any number of ways: 1) the kids may resist his influence because they feel so close to their biological dad; 2) Mom may decide he's too hard on her kids, picking on her parenting skills, or unbalanced in his treatment of her kids and his own; or 3) he may feel anger and irritation about his wife being treated rudely by her kids or by being ignored or discounted himself.
Any way you slice it, these situations result in tension in the family and altercations between the couple. Issues like these are the major reasons for second marriages falling apart at a higher rate than first marriages.
Following are some basic principles for step dads who may be working hard to establish their role with their step kids:
1. Keep in mind that your job is to support your wife in parenting as a mentor, coach, or friendly uncle. Take it easy, and eventually, when mutual trust and respect has grown, you may develop a stronger, more active role with everyone's support.
2. Focus on being on the same page as a couple, which means not only loving and honoring each other, but communicating clearly about household responsibilities, family budget, rules of behavior, methods of discipline, and the role you play in defending her decisions. Her assignment is to define boundaries for behavior and follow through on consequences, and your job is to support her and remind the kids what their mom wants. A weekly Family Meeting is an effective way of establishing rules and getting recurring issues on the table for discussion and resolution.
3. Be aware of unrealistic expectations by reading and learning about what it means to be an effective step dad. Acknowledge and respect the unique history that each person brings to a second marriage; much of it, especially for kids, comes with a sense of loss.
4. Consider an enlightening coaching session with a professional blended-family coach to help the step dad in your family sort out some of the issues and challenges he may be dealing with.
Divorced Dads
Father's Day for many divorced dads is not a very happy day, especially if they are removed from their kids physically or emotionally.
There are many reasons why divorced dads feel marginalized and are seemingly unappreciated in their child's lives: geographical distance because of work, remarriage, or divorce poison where the children's mother has systematically alienated the kids from their father with the intention of eliminating him from their lives.
Dads may be discouraged but they should always remember just how important they are as they guide, teach, and show love and support to their kids, even if it is long distance.
Following are some basic guidelines for Divorced Dads:
1.Try to act like grown ups with your child's mother for the sake of the children. Come to terms on a visitation plan and a co-parenting plan. Kids are more interested in you getting along so they can enjoy both their parents, rather than worrying about your specific issues with each other.
2.Kids need structure. Stick to planned phone calls, pick up and drop off schedules and behavioral expectations while at your home.
3. Resist being Uncle Dad or Disney Dad with lack of limits, and inconsistent discipline; this teaches the kids to believe you are a peer and best friend and not a responsible parent guiding a child. Uncle Dad parenting results in disrespect, emotional blackmail, and eventually, kids who develop behavioral problems, since they have no respect for authority.
4. Consider an enlightening professional coaching session with a blended-family counselor who may help you gain new insight on the issues and challenges that you face.
For dads dealing with the agony of parental alienation or Divorce Poison, you may want to listen to best selling author and parental alienation authority, Dr Richard Warshak, at http://www.Blended-Families.com/richard-warshak.
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